Meandering Thoughts of a Young Female Pastor

There is a Season

2010-09-29T16:11:00.002-04:00

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
~Ecclesiastes 3.1-8

Okay, so I haven't blogged regularly...at all in seminary. I quote Patrick Sehl when I say that I would almost agree that seminary can be a place where your faith goes to die. However, it can also begin to grow again...it dies, but is reborn in a new light. Three years ago I sat in the very chair I'm sitting in now, wondering if I was going to survive my years here at Saint Paul, and though I haven't fully survived them yet, (I still have 226 days)I am almost there! There have times in seminary that I have struggled harder than any other point in my life, and many people who know me may try to argue with that, but I would say hands down that this has been the hardest thing in my life that I've ever had to tackle. I have died, and I have lived, I have wept and laughed, I have killed and healed, I have mourned and danced, I have loved and hated, I have kept silent and have spoken. All the elements of this scripture have been a part of my seminary life. Two years ago, I never wanted to come back. Somehow I kept coming. Last year I was barely on campus and couldn't stand being here except while in class.
Today I sit in a very place that literally terrified me, happy. I am happy that I have survived, have made lifelong friends that I couldn't imagine not having in my life: Melissa, Natasha, Justin and Bryce. Whether you four know it or not I have been able to lean on you and allow you to embrace me and yet refused to allow you to embrace me. We have supported one another like no other support I've ever known other than my husband. You will always mean the world to me! I truly believe that God has led us to this place, God will allow us to get through the impossible in order to be vessels in order to spread the good news of the reigning kingdom and God has made you some of my best friends in the entire world. Melissa and Bryce, I know we're driving you nuts with the 226 days thing, but I hope you know that though you're not graduating with us, you will always be graduating with us. You have been here through it all and I love you both dearly.
Thank you to all my friends who have supported me in my call to ministry. And know that there is a season in which God will triumph as I will confidently say I have triumphed over seminary.

Who He Is

2010-03-10T09:05:00.003-05:00

Where have the last 12 years, 10 months and 18 days gone? Just yesterday it seems I had this adorable little strawberry blond baby toddling around while watching Rugrats, with his blue eyes sparkling and dancing. Now he's as tall as my chin, his hair that he claims is not red, though it is, is unmanageable and hangs down in his eyes, much to my dismay. Actually I can't stand his hair, but it is just hair. He wears baggy pants the same sweatshirt all the time and baths in body spray. He's such a boy! He gets mad at me that I won't let him have a facebook account yet, not for another month and 18 days. He's frustrated that I pick up his cell phone at any random times to look through his text messages. He gets mad at when I tell him to do his chores. He fights with his sister and picks on her all the time. And when he decides he wants to wrestle with me, I always ask him, "are you sure you want to do this?" And he's always determined to take me down, and never does (yet) and gets mad at me for beating him. He still surprises me every morning though that he trudges out of his room, hair going everywhere, seeking me out first, before anything to wrap his ever growing longer arms around my waist to hug me goodmorning.

This morning during a prayer, the pray-er said something about us not feeling important enough. But he reminded us that we are important to God. God loves us and to God we are extraordinary! This immediately made me think of my little boy. See when I went through his text the other day I came across a conversation between him and one of his friends. His friend told him how they are not important. He asked his friend, "what?" They repeated the statement. He said, "what are you talking about? You are too! You're important to me! I need you in my life! Who told you you're not important?" "My parents," they replied. "Well, they're great parents *sarcastically*" he replied to his friend. My thought is they're stupid parents! Every child, every person IS important!

It warmed my heart to see how caring and encouraging my son is. It suddenly made me realize that a frustrated as I get with him, and as much as he's still my little boy, who he is...he is a boy who is growing into a young man. His heart is full and he loves people, (not the boys who pick on him) but he is going to be such an amazing person! I'm so proud of him and he is so important and extraordinary, if not to me, then definitely God! I pray that those seeking morning hugs never end.

Counting My Blessings

2010-03-08T14:27:00.004-05:00

This week I've asked my congregation to count their blessings as a soul exercise. In keeping in solidarity with them I am going to list my blessings!

A loving, gracious relationship with God
Jason
Taylor
Jaimey
Micah
My extended family, including but not limited to my parents, brothers, sister and in-law, grandparents and cousins
J.D. and Carol
Becky
Melissa
Sara
Mandy
The opportunity to have a higher education
An amazing congregation that I serve in humility (Greenwich UMC)
Another amazing congregation that claims me as theirs (Chapel Hill)
Green grass
Budding flowers
The Sun!
A roof over my head
The opportunity to buy a home
The memories of the trips that I've been able to take with my family
All the wonderful things and bad junk that has helped shape who I am
Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper
Coffee
Chocolate
Ice Cream
Peppermint Mochas from Starbucks
Knowing my great grandfather until I was 26 and my great grandmother til I was 30
Wireless Internet and a laptop!
A car that runs well to get me to KC
Living in the United States
Love
Good Stories
Feta Cheese
Bethany
Music
Song
Grace
Forgiveness
Cute Shoes
Freedom
Warm weather
That Dr. Graves wears a bow tie to class
The opportunity for discussion
rain puddles

This is not an extensive list...I have many other blessings in my life, probably a list that could go on for days!

Many blessings to all of you!
Natalie

It's Been Awhile

2010-03-03T09:11:00.004-05:00

It's been awhile since I've written on here.
It's been awhile since I've felt totally at peace in my life.

But I do at this moment! Yay!

It's appropriate that the last time that I blogged I shared a poem about my grandparents. Their 60th anniversary is coming up in May and I'm thrilled about the number of family that will be there. It's made me really reflect on who they are, how they helped form and shape who I am. I read a scripture yesterday from John 12.8, "You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me." Granted this scripture is referring to Jesus not always being with the disciples, but for me it helps me reflect on my grandparents. I'm a pastor, student, mom, wife, etc. I have a busy life obviously. But this scripture has reminded me I will have a busy life for quite awhile. My grandparents aren't always going to be with me. I need to take more time out of my life in order to be with my grandparents. Granny and Grandpa have always been there and when I look back on my childhood they were the stable of my life. Their home, presence and love is the only place I can look at in my childhood as a constant. How amazing is that? I'm so grateful to them for helping me to become the person that I am today, even in all my flaws.

Now as far as being at peace...well, life is just at a good place right now! Jason and I have made the decision to buy our first house! Joy and a huge sense of being nauseous at the same time, as any new home owner can attest to. But everything has just fallen in to place, and as far as itineracy in the UMC, well, I have faith that "all shall be well." God has provided in so much in my life and God will provide here as well. The kids will start new schools and are excited about it! The house is 2 1/2 miles from the church I serve and about 5 miles to Jason's work. It is a blessing in our lives.

I also for the first time in a couple of years now feel at peace at seminary again. I've found a worship service that is at (yikes) 7 in the morning, but the last two mornings it has shaped my days into God centered and filled days! I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be able to be a part of something that nourishes me. Granted I love, Love, LOVE my congregation, but I'm in a serving role there. I need a place that I can be served. Fed and be fed is how pastors should live there lives. Seminary takes so much out of you and I've come to resent being there: resent the time it takes from my family, my church, myself and most importantly God. That has changed this semester so far. I'm enjoying my classes again. I'm learning from them again. I'm being changed by them again. I'm confident them again! I'm speaking up in class, not feeling inadequate anymore. I've been affirmed and empowered (by who or what other than God, I'm not completely sure) and feel as though what I have to say is important and relevant again! Life is Good! Even at Saint Paul.

So a shout out of thanks to all the "mentors" in my life. Whether you know you are or not, if you are reading this, you care enough about me and what I have to say to have impacted my life for the better in some way. And I love you!

Many blessings to you all,
Natalie

We Would Make Our Pilgrimage to that Place

2009-05-21T15:15:00.000-04:00

This was a poem sent to me by my brother Bill. It's amazing and I cried, laughed and just fell in love with it because it describes our grandparents. I miss those days so much! Hope you all enjoy!

We would make our pilgrimage to that place
Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving
We would be welcomed with a warm embrace
By arms of age and full of living
When entering that comfy, humble abode
Baking granny’s rolls entered my nose
Or ripe peaches resting on the buffet
That grandpa had picked that day
The smoke from his own rolled cigarettes
Greeted you with a smile from the front step
Sitting on a metal folding chair
Prince Albert slowly dancing in the air
There was time before we ate
To wander round to the garden gate
Or watch the daredevil cousins spin
On vortexes of fear and adrenaline
The old branch would creak and groan
As little hands clutched with all they could loan
To that old tire dangling on a rope
Not to be thrown was the dreadful hope
At times my hands would be dyed
Stained by the juicy mulberry hedge
I would pluck, eat, and hide
As I gazed across to the cow shed
Watching the Bessie flick the flies
Chew her cud and eat pulled weed
Out of little hands with wide eyes
Not always minding Grandpa’s heed
Beyond the cow yard was heaven on earth
Bless grandparents and their farm hands
A castle of alfalfa for this lowly serf
We would climb to the top and guard the lands
It overlooked yards of cow and swine
It wasn’t possible for grandpa to keep us off
That wonderland of dried vegetation and twine
Outside was good, but inside was food
The best one could dream of
Granny knew the best ingredients
Her hands, her heart, her love
Grab a plate of chicken and dumplings
Finding a bone will make you wink
Use the hot roll to sop it up
A glass of sweet tea to drink
Top it off with, uh, I can’t decide
Mayonnaise cake? Mulberry cobbler? Custard Pie?
Sure, all three will do
Because Granny surely loves you
To know now, we not only ate the flour
The butter, the sugar, the eggs
We also ate work of hour after hour
Long days of labor on tired feet and legs
Their sweat quenched our thirst
And their patience and laughter fed our souls
Their discipline made us think first
Leaving in our characters no room for holes
We made a pilgrimage to that place
Several times a year
We would savor that warm embrace
Knowing love and no fear

The Climb

2009-05-21T10:53:00.008-04:00

Okay, so if you know me at all, you know that there are times I tend to be a dork of sorts. And this is one of those times. Now you need to remember this: I have an eight year old daughter...think about that for a second...who do many eight year old girls admire the most in the world right now? I'll give you a clue. My husband and I were in the grocery store this morning and saw an entire display of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, toothpaste, and nail polish with guess who on it? I'm sure that unless you've crawled under a rock you know who I'm talking about...Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus! So needless to say, Miley has sort of been forced on our family of four by one...my eight year old daughter. But let me tell you, as I've listened to her numerous songs, and seen her new movie and watched my daughter admire her, I have one prayer for Miley: that she remains the girl who has millions of young girls looking up to her, and always remembers where she came from and the values that she currently has. In one of her most recent songs, I was quickly drawn to it. The beat was good, it has a softer, slightly country twang going on in it. But then something happened to me recently that made me absolutely fall in love with it's lyrics.

If you know me well at all, you know that I'm going into ministry, and more specifically am seeking ordination for elder in the United Methodist Church. Now before I started this process (and boy what a process it is) I never knew hat all that entailed. First of all, there you have to have a bachelor degree in something. Then you have to take a spiritual gifts test, receive a mentor, go through this long book discerning your call to ministry, be approved by one board after another, take a psychological exam, be examined by a psychiatrist, have a physical, go to seminary (or course of study, but I'm doing seminary) be approved by more boards, write answers to the same questions over and over again...

This is a brief description...it's much more work than anyone would ever dream...you literally have to climb and climb and climb, and fall, and climb, and think it might not be worth it, and fall and climb and fall again, and climb...

But last Wednesday I received a phone call. A phone call I've been waiting on very anxiously for a couple of months now. It was my wonderful District Superintendent Cheryl Jefferson Bell, calling to tell me that she had a possible church for me. I was so thrilled, I didn't even care what church it was! But the more she began describing it, the more excited I got! It sounds like it will fit me me to a "T"! The church is Greenwich United Methodist Church, in Wichita, KS. It is a 20 to 25 member church, in the most adorable building in the middle of the country. It reminds me so much of home, it makes me want to cry and smile at the same time. I've met two people in the congregation and they are wonderful people and seem genuinely excited to have a young female pastor and her family join them at their church.

But my excitedness couldn't overwhelm me quite then. I still had to be approved by one more board, the Board of Ordained Ministry to be a Local Licensed Pastor. I was so nervous about that interview, but of course was overly nervous. It wasn't exactly a breeze, but it was comfortable and encouraging and uplifting. I've been so blessed in that my experience through this process has been long and confusing at times, but I've always felt uplifted and encouraged. I know others who haven't had that same blessing and pray that someday that will change.

So what does that have to do with Miley Cyrus's song lyrics? Well, read them below:

"I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa!"

~Miley Cyrus

There have been so many times I've had that little voice in my head saying "You'll never make it." I even wrote a final paper for Dr. Chris Kettler at Friends University, before graduating saying that I had no idea what I was doing, and wondered if I had imagined the whole thing...I'm so ashamed of that paper that I've recently been praying about contacting him and apologizing to him for it. This is a long process, and my faith has been shaken up, more than I can ever really reveal, but I've kept climbing, I've kept the faith and even though the climb is not over, and won't be for a while, the rewards along the way are so worth it. God has been with me the entire climb, whispering a bit louder than that other voice telling me, "You're going to make it, I'm right here!" And I know that I could not have done it without God's help.

So, now let me invite you to come visit me starting the first Sunday in July at Greenwich United Methodist Church, 5500 N. Greenwich Rd., Wichita, KS at 9:00 a.m, and help me keep climbing!

Blessings to you all,
Pastor Natalie K. Bryant

Breath of Heaven

2008-12-14T16:20:00.003-05:00

So a few days ago I was driving in downtown Augusta, (yeah, I say that like it's a huge metropolis) to the postoffice to send back our Dark Knight DVD to Blockbuster.com (sorta like netflicks). I drove past a small church and happened to take notice of the sign out in front. It was one of those marquee signs where you have to go out and change the letters. Most of the time this time of year, you drive by church signs and it says something about "anticipation of Christ" or the normal "Merry Christmas," but this sign caught me entirely off guard. The sign said, "If you're not looking for Jesus, then he's not looking for you." I wanted to just start crying! What kind of message is that to share with people who don't know Christ?

This morning in Sunday School the children's memory verse was Luke 2.10 that says, "Do not be afraid, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people." I asked them, "What people?" And they shouted, "All people!" I asked, "What about the man who did something wrong and is in jail? Is it for him?" They shouted, "Yes!" "What about that cranky old neighbor across the street?" "Yes!" One of the boys asked, "What about Scrooge?" (our church is doing a production of Scrooge this weekend.) "Yes!" they shouted. Then I whispered, "What about the person who doesn't believe in Jesus?" They paused mid shout and you could see the wheels turning in their smart, precious little heads. But then as suddenly as they stopped all of them went ahead and shouted, "Yes!" They get it! These precious children read these words and they see "all people" and they know that it means everyone!

During worship we saw a video that talked about four little words that sum up what Christmas is: God is with us! So if that's true, if the Christ is for all people and Emmanuel means, God is with us, why is that church proclaiming that if we're not looking for Christ then Christ is not looking for us? I've found in my life time that the times I feel the most hurt, desperate and alone, and "not looking for Christ" are the times when I know that Christ is looking the hardest for me! Even before we know Him, he knows us! Every hair on our head! He knitted us together in our mother's womb, each and every person on earth! Why would he not always be actively pursuing each of us, even when we are not aware of Him?

Most Christian denominations talk about God's grace, but the most profound thoughts of grace I have heard is from the United Methodist Church, and is most of the reason I will never go to another denomination, because I believe so whole heartedly in this. John Wesley believes in three kinds of grace: Prevenient Grace, Justiying Grace and Sanctifying Grace. There is a definition for each one of these of course and those of you who are not United Methodists are just going to have look up the other two because the one I think that applies when it comes to this sign is Prevenient Grace. Prevenient Grace is grace that is bestowed on us before we are ever aware of God's action in our lives. It's been said that it's "God's wooing of us." His whispering in us, showing us that he's there before we ever even know it. I wholeheartedly and unabashadly proclaim that to tell people that Christ is not looking for them if they're not looking for Him is wrong. Because how would anyone really come to have a relationship with Christ, if He was not looking for us first? I don't know a single person who didn't have Christ knocking on their door before they knocked on his. The reason anyone begins to pursue a relationship with Christ is because He has first whispered in their ears, somehow nudging them, praying that they open their ears and hear Him.

This has been a tough semester for me. Most of my closest friends know the reasons for this. Twelve hours, working for two professors, and at church all the while commuting to and from Kansas City, while being a mother and wife...plus so many numerous other things has taken its toll. But I'm remembering, being renewed in the fact that I know that God's grace is extended to me. God is with me! Christ came to take away my sin, my mistakes, my everything, in order to save me. I've finally decided after months of suffering to turn things, yet again, over to Him. It's all I can do and more importantly, it's what He wants me to do. I was reminded today that the first thing they say in AA is that you can't do it by yourself, there is a power greater than yourself. I've been denying that I need His help, but this week, I admitted to myself and others that I'm not okay, I'm suffering and I need help, and it's amazing at how much peace I feel in my heart. I've decided to make the special song at worship today my prayer for awhile, and my lovely friend Raegan agreed with me. It goes something like this:

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Heavenly Father, please hold me together, lighten my darkness and remind me every second that you have extended your undeserved grace to me as your gift to me. Keep me strong and help me to help people to know that You are Holy! You are there for everyone and you are pursuing them persistantly and refuse to ever let them do it on their own whether they realize it or not. Amen.

Renewed by a Tornado!

2008-06-13T13:18:00.006-04:00

Okay, I know, it's been over a month since I blogged...and a month since school got out...what can I say? I've been busier since school got out amazingly! And really nothing that I wanted to blog much on. But something amazing happened last night!

As I was watching TV with the kids, our DVR was interrupted during play of a movie with a tornado warning. So instantly I began watching the weather...good to know that the DVR stops to let you know if there's an emergency! The tornado sirens went off later and we holed up in the basement for awhile til we got an all clear. We were blessed that it was south of Augusta with no real threat...more a precaution than anything.

The tornado got me thinking about Greensburg, and how many people I used to know in Greensburg from a little Baptist church camp "Camp Christy," in Scott City, Kansas, that I went to for 3 years when I was in 5th, 6th and 7th grades! First of all, let me say, I loved camp. It was really the only place that I ever remember feeling utterly and totally accepted as a kid. Maybe that just proves exactly what a dork I actually was, but I fit in there, and didn't anywhere else. So anyway, then I started thinking about why I didn't try to contact anyone I knew after the Greensburg tornado to see if they were okay and that's when I remembered I didn't have facebook last year! So by chance I typed in Greensburg HS, year 1996 (yeah, I'm old) and out of the two people listed I knew one of them! It was a boy that I remember standing at the end of my grandma's driveway waiting on the mailman to deliver a letter from him! It's funny how clear that memory of him is!

Well, I added him as a friend and needless to say suprised him completely! But he remembered me! So anyway we began talking and caught up on who we are now. He thought about seminary for awhile, but decided to go into law instead thinking he could help more people that way, but the fact that both of us are still devoted to God is a true testimony in itself. But after a few hours of conversation, we both realized that God made sure we reconnected last night. He's gone through things the last few years that has made it hard to forgive some things...and when wondering if God even wants to hear from him anymore, my heart just cried out for him! I shared some of my struggles in forgiving others and how I've overcome it. I reminded him that God forgives us for our own sins, so he forgives others for theirs too. I reminded him of a God he had lost sight of for awhile. I have no doubt at all that God made sure we reconnected last night in order to renew his faith! And that is amazing to me! Sometimes I get so bogged down in the everyday of being in ministry and being a Christian, that I sometimes overlook the "miracles" of life. I got to see God at work last night and I'm renewed in my own faith once again!

Legacy Part II

2008-05-05T19:29:00.003-04:00

Okay, I was told that I needed to update my Legacy blog. Shows you how small of a world it really is. So, while writing about legacy, Nichole Nordeman's song popped into my head. Well the last few weeks at my church the sermon series has been "One Month to Live" and it seems to be fitting in well to my whole legacy thought, in am I living well and will I die well. Last Wednesday after the children's program at church, the Sunday morning praise team began to practice their special for this last Sunday. It was Legacy, by Nichole Nordeman. I was talking to our Music Director about it and how I blogged on legacy, and my old professor Jim Smith told me I needed to update it. Apparently, Nichole had read "An Arrow Pointing to Heaven" the biography of Rich Mullins, and then wrote that song. That book was written by Jim Smith. So cool!! Small world and it shows how much things in our lives innertwine with one another. Blessings!

My prayer today...

2008-04-16T16:42:00.003-04:00

...comes in the form of lyrics from a song that I love. I got a new CD a few weeks ago, it's not really new, released in 2003, but it's my new CD. And I've been listening to it over and over and over again on my wonderful much needed alone drives to Kansas City and even out to Western Kansas when I went to my uncle's funeral. The CD is Writing on the Wall by Jill Phillips. You talk about an amazing singer! Every song on the CD feels like God talking straight to my soul. This morning, well all week really I've just been in a weird place, and this morning the CD started on my prayer for the day:

Grand Design

"I knew it all along that this day was coming
Even though I knew it doesn't hurt any less
But somehow the suffering draws me to you
I could start running in anger
But then what's the point of a Savior

I feel the pain but it still doesn't change who You are
Nothing I feel is outside of the reach of Your arms
My whole world could crumble but all of the pieces remain
In Your hands that are waiting to put them together again

Just like I know You will in Your own time, in Your own wisdom
One day I'll look back and see the grand design
maybe it will make sense then these questions I have
But with it all here front and center
Sometimes it's hard to remember

I feel the pain but it still doesn't change who You are
Nothing I feel is outside of the reach of Your arms
My whole world could crumble but all of the pieces remain
In Your hands that are waiting to put them together again

I could start running in anger
But then what's the point of a Savior."

It just reminds me that there is hope...when things feel overwhelming, when everything feels like it's falling apart, our Savior is there to hold the pieces and put them back together, if we trust in him. And one day, I'll look back on this week and it will be a tiny little piece of my world that fits into it as a whole, and I'll wonder why I ever felt so overwhelmed by the stress of being in seminary, being a mother, being a wife, a friend, a pastor, a person...I have faith that I'll be okay and come out of all the struggles I'm experiencing, because I look back at my struggles I've already faced that were much, much worse and know that God put those pieces together, so if He can do that, He'll pull me through this too...so that's my prayer for today...

Legacy

2008-04-04T12:45:00.002-04:00

Wow! It's been a hard week! And the sad thing is driving over a thousand miles is just the icing of it! My great uncle died on Sunday morning. I know you're probably thinking "great uncle, she didn't know him that well...distant family." But the thing is my family was not distant growing up. Uncle Jr. was there at every family get together, which I swear we probably had one every other week! Seems like we were always at Granny and Grandpa's for something or other. My family yesterday filled easily half of the church. It was amazing! This man was loved by not only his family though, but the whole community of Hugoton, Kansas. Jr. was my mom's dad's brother. My Grandpa and Granny had 4 daughters, I'm one of 10 grandkids...and there are now 13 great grandchildren, and there will be more, I'm absolutely sure of it. Then my great grandma "Mama" is still alive also...and at the age of 91 is as healthy as she was when I was a little girl...just doesn't remember who anyone is. I'm very blessed to have a family who grew up close, and that there are so many of us...cuz remember, those numbers above were just from my grandpa...there are so many cousins out there I don't think I can even begin to count them! And that's not even getting to my dad's side of the familly. And we all knew each other! Even after not seeing some of them for 10 years, we knew who we all were!

My question though, is where does that leave my children? They don't know my cousins...they don't know my cousins' kids. We all say, "well life is too busy." But what happens when my mom calls and it's not my great uncle...it's my grandpa, or my granny, or my Mama? It makes me want to change things...it makes me want to make getting the family together more a priority, but it's so hard when everyone lives all over the place instead of southwest Kansas anymore. What does it take to bring us back together, besides someone dying?

The pastor talked about the legacy that Uncle Jr. left. We were his legacy, his family, the community, the people that knew and loved him, the people who's lives he changed. I take some solice in the fact that even though I may not be close to my blood family, I do have people in my life I consider family. I consider the fact that the girls in Taylor's fifth grade class can come to me when they have problems shows that somehow, I'm leaving my own legacy...

I automatically think of the song Legacy by Nichole Nordeman...here are the lyrics:
"I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one..."

What do you think? Does it matter that your kids know their entire family? Does it matter whether you leave a legacy for just your family, or is it enough to help a 5th grade girl who needs a cosmetic bag for girl stuff? Or that a 22 year old beautiful young lady that you babysat when she was 4 still claims that you were the best babysitter she ever had? Or that your little sister, who hasn't called you in a year, when she's having a baby four weeks early you drop everything, even exhaustion from driving, to go be with her, even though she didn't call you, just tell her you love her and miss her and are so glad that she's okay? It's okay to have some regrets...but it's more to make a difference from learning from those regrets.
That's the legacy I want to leave...

Promise of Spring

2008-03-19T10:37:00.004-04:00

I love spring! Every morning the last two weeks, minus the few days I've been at Saint Paul, I run outside to see the grass slowly changing to that beautiful shade of emerald green, survey my hydrangeas I planted last year to make sure they will choose to grace us with their beautiful flowers for another year (because all winter I was sure they were just dead sticks poking out of the ground), to check the shoots of daffodils poking themselves through the soil...not sure that they want to trust the sun that is telling them it's okay to come on out...

Isn't that reflective of us, as Christians...wanting to trust the Son...wanting him there to guide us into a new world? But after all the mistakes we've made, all the sin that is in our hearts, not sure if we can totally trust that Christ can actually make sure we aren't going to freeze in that one more burst of arctic air.

I love the promise of spring though! It tells us, like my hydrangeas, that even as Christians, sometimes we begin to feel dead inside, again...but there is the promise that someday, as dead as our spirits might be feeling, that Christ is here to renew us and bring us back to life, to be beautiful and loved by not only Him but by everyone...

So enjoy this day...and the following, the promise of spring, the renewal of life and the resurrection of our Savior who brings the dead to life.

A Spot of Tea Brings Back Memories Like They Were Yesterday

2008-03-14T09:58:00.011-04:00

So I'm sitting here, drinking a spot of tea, and it dawns on me...I could right at this moment be sitting in my wonderful London flat, or bustling through the amazing tunnels of the tube, "working that butt" on all the stairs, just walking among those tall buildings on those narrow London streets where the big black cab rushes by in the "wrong" direction. I could be in London, RIGHT NOW!! So sad! But as my friends are there and I'm wishing I could be, I pray for them and that they have an amazing time and stay safe!

So as I'm thinking about it, it also dawns on me that since I disappeared from the blogging world for nearly 2 years, I have yet to post any pictures of my fabulous trip of a life time from March 2007! So I've decided to put in some highlight photos along with little descriptions...Enjoy!! So this is my sister, Amber and I standing on O'Connell Street in Dublin Ireland, March 16th, 2007.
Now this one is Amber, me and one of my best friends, Jelly, at the top of the Guinness Storehouse, the same day. It was 11 in the morning there...making it like 3 in the morning back in Kansas. So it was okay to be drinking a pint at 11 in the morning!
These are both of the Irish Sea on Saint Patrick's Day morning, 2007. One just happens to have me in green standing in it. That is an experience I will never regret! Amber, my friend Julie Magnuson and I took Irish Ferries across the Irish Sea that day to Holyhead, Wales and then took the train down to London. It was amazing!

So this is on Sunday, March 18th. After going to St. Paul's Cathedral that morning, a group of us decided to go to the Tower of London that afternoon. The one is a picture Jelly took with my big butt going up a spiral stone staircase in one of the turrets. Such amazing history...if anyone remembers to ask, ask me about how proud the knights were of their packages! I'll show you a picture!

So Monday was a big day! British Library(we couldn't take pictures in there though), British Museum, and the Blue Man Group!!
This is me and Julie at the North entrance to the British Museum.
This is me with the Rosetta Stone. It's what I wanted to see more than anything on the entire trip! I don't know if you can tell, but I was eccstatic!! You can sort of see Josh Schmidt's reflection in the glass as he takes the picture.
This was a blast!! We saw the Blue Man Group in the New London Theatre. There were 5 of us there I think. In this picture is myself, Jelly and David VanSant, and of course a Blue Man!

Tuesday, March 20th was a day of history...first Jelly and I went to see John Wesley's chapel. Our hearts were strangely warmed, even though it wasn't on Aldersgate. Then Dona and I went took the train to Gravesend, England to see the burial site of Pocahontas. I promised Jaimey I would go, and I'm so glad I did, and Dona in all the years she's been to England had never been, so I think she really enjoyed it too!

I did a independent study on the Bronte sisters and during the trip took a day trip by myself to their hometown of Haworth, England. This is a picture of Haworth's main street. If I ever have a choice in the matter, this is where I would retire! Such a neat place! Then I took the train over to York, to see York Minster, the largest cathedral in Northern Europe. I met the dearest little lady there named Dorthy and in helping her up some stairs was invited to her private tea. I was introduced to her friends like this, "This is Natalie! She's from Kansas!" Ask me to do the impression in person sometime! It's not the same without the accent and the volume added. Her friends told me that Dorthy is so Methodist she goes to every Methodist church in town!

These really were my most memorable events of the trip! The rest of the week consisted of the Original Hard Rock Cafe, I rode the London Eye, we went to the top of Tower Bridge, Imperial War Museum, National Gallery, London Aquarium, Westminster Abbey, Picadilly Circus and Portabello Rd. It was an amazing experience that I hope I get to experience again, hopefully sooner rather than later! And again, I hope that my friends there now enjoy their time there and don't let it pass too quickly!

Loving Affirmation is Okay!

2008-03-10T19:31:00.004-04:00

So, yeah...anyone who has talked to me in the last few weeks knows that I've had issues with things lately. School, spirituality, time...the list really goes on and on. But in the last week God has really worked at affirming everything in my life!

So first of all...a certain professor I had last semester, caused me to doubt my abilities in school...in many ways. And I told myself and others that I liked her as my advisor and a person...not as my professor. But honestly I began to doubt that even up until last week. But I met with her last Tuesday and I was affirmed that my original thought was right. She is an absolute wonderful advisor and great person and reassured me in so many ways! She encouraged me and advised me in good and practical ways, and the whole thing made me feel much better about my relationship with her, that has to continue for at least the next 3 years and probably longer than that.

So for the next affirmation story let me give a little background...two and a half years ago, I had the wonderful opportunity to serve on a Walk to Emmaus team. I was to give a talk on Growth through Study and even though I felt good about the talk I had prepared...right before I was supposed to preview it before the team, I really and truly went and hid in a bathroom in First Church, Wichita. Only through God, did the Assistant Lay Director happen to walk into the very same bathroom! That church is huge! She could have gone to any bathroom and she chose my hiding place. Well, of course I got through it and the actual talk on the walk, (I'm a poet!) but I was really nervous about it! And then Ash Wednesday, right before my first sermon, my tummy was doing flip flops and I really didn't know that I wouldn't faint once I got up there. But once again, other than forgetting to turn on my microphone, everything went fine and great!

So, right now, I'm privilaged to be on another Emmaus team. And this talk is the Priesthood of all Believers. I previewed this last Saturday for the team, and believe it or not, I had no butterflies, no flip flops...I was calm and ready to go! Third times a charm right! :) It went great! Of course I had some stories in the midst of the talk that had the whole room in tears, but God was present in that room to get us all through it! Afterwards, the team had a chance to tell me what they liked and didn't like about my talk. They all loved it! They also wrote on sheets giving comments and one of the comments said this, "The church has hope knowing you are going into ministry!" And then a certain clergy person there told a friend that there are about 12 pastors in the area that wish I was done with seminary already, because the all want me in their church! Talk about affirmation!! It just reiterated to me that I'm exactly where I need to be, despite some political differences with some certain key people at Saint Paul, who continue to work it in every week, thinking that giving me a hard time will "convert" me, which instead it just makes me want to believe in what I believe in more, just to be stubborn.

So, yeah, I love affirmation right now...and that's okay! Sometimes, especially after the last few weeks I've had, it's okay to need to hear affirmation and to think a little more about yourself because of it. Sometimes people just need to know that they are right on God's path!

Revelations You Really Can't Share

2008-02-29T08:17:00.003-05:00

Don't you hate when you have a revelation of life from God, and you really can't share it with anyone! At least it's nothing you can share on a blog for the whole world to see. Oh, well...it's enough to say that I've had a revelation about things. God brought something to my attention when I would least expect it, but desperatly need it.

By the way my "autopsy" turned out really good! I found out that the spot on my lip is pre-cancerous and I just have to apply a cream to it for another week and as in the words of Julian of Norwich "all shall be well, and in all manner of all things all shall be well," (or something to that effect...I know the words from Andrew Peterson's song better than actually from her...:( I love Andrew, but I should read Julian more, because she's beautiful to me!

Here's a revelation I can share I guess: I realized I need to have more women in my life. Not that it's only filled with men...but it's mostly filled with my husband, kids and school. I discovered this week how important it is to have the women that are in my life, in my life. They are a blessing to me and support me and lift me up, again, when I desperatly need it.

And, one more thing, I met Steve Rankin on Wednesday night, and found out I am not the only one who has felt politically alone at Saint Paul! Yea! Of course it was years ago for him, but in just the few minutes that I got to meet him, he encouraged me in a way only a conservative who made it through Saint Paul could do!

I know these are just a few random thoughts on the week, nothing hugely enlightening, (well I have a great one, but don't feel it's appropriate for a blog)but important to me.

No longer worried about my "autopsy"

2008-02-20T08:36:00.003-05:00

So I've had a spot on my upper lip for a few years...not a huge one...just there. In the winter it tends to flare up a bit...this winter it's been worse. It would bleed a little. So finally about a month ago, when I had a fabulous roommate I will call "Em" I decided I need to get my spot checked out. It's not been a huge worry...after all it's been there for a few years, however, in the back of my mind, I sometimes hear a screaming voice, "You have the C-word!!" Well, after going in for what I thought was a check, they did more than a check...they did a biopsy. Yea! So now not only am I worried about the C-word...I have what feels like a huge stitch on my lip covered by what feels like an ever bigger, annoying, sticky, itchy bandaid. Needless, to say I was at a point I almost didn't want to go into public until Friday because everyone in my church would look at me and smile, and look away...or ask what was wrong and as soon as I said "biopsy" say oh, and move on, clearly uncomfortable.
So Monday...I cautiously walk into my school...looking for a wonderful face that I love so much (after leaving my children in the Holter Center playing.) And there she was! My Marggie. She wasn't so happy though. I could tell she was sad. She knew instantly that I'd had a biopsy and of course said not to worry...and I gave her a hug and told her not to worry about her sadness...it would be okay. Then someone walked in and asked what was wrong with my lip. Marggie loudly proclaims, "It's okay! She just had an autopsy!"
So now, when someone asks me what's wrong with my lip, I tell them I had an autopsy, but it'll be okay. And I smile, and I cry inside, because what am I going to do without my Marggie at Saint Paul? She's the only one who has made me smile about the C-word. The only one! I love her so much...and I know she'll always be my friend, but it will never be the same. I love my friends there...but she was special to me, in a way I can't describe. I miss you Marggie.

Lack of Blogging

2008-01-17T17:44:00.000-05:00

I've been reminded today how horrible I am at keeping up my blog! So true...it's been a year and a half since my last post. I really don't have much insightful to say except that I've loved being at Saint Paul this week.

At the end of last semester, I was seriously debating if there was another option for my graduate work. However, this week I've decided that the friends that I've made here are friends that I will have for a lifetime I'm sure. I've really had the opportunity this week to get to know them on so many different levels...creepy, sweet or otherwise. Whenever I get more batteries for my camera I will post pictures of my new found lifetime friends. Without them I know I wouldn't be able to make it through this experience of my life...of course I know that God has placed them here for more than just my own selfish reasons of needing the support, but I really feel that He has once again proven that he places all the instruments I need in just the right place to make sure that I accomplish his purpose.

So to all of you...and you know who you are...I love you and need you in my life and I thank you so much for what you do for me!

What a Summer!

2006-07-10T17:41:00.000-04:00

Let me tell you, this summer is not turning out to be anything like I thought it would. But other than a little slacking on my part, all will be well. The most eventful part other than my beautiful neice Lexi, which is doing wonderful, was our family trip. I was so greatful to Jason for getting me a camera for my birthday because I was able to take some fabulous pics! We went to Colorado and it was amazing!

This was at the Garden of the Gods. I think it was my favorite one! We stayed in a cool little cabin at Rockcleft a neat little camp owned by Friends University. For info go to this web site: http://www.friends.edu/about/rockcleft/default.aspx
Here's a picture of it:
If your interested you need to check it out. It was just what we needed. It's secluded and private and beautiful

I wish I could share all the pictures...I've made a movie with it...I took 450 pictures...the movie is 40 minutes long :) I know, a bit ridiculous, but I didn't want to forget anything.

If you're interested in the movie, ask me and I'll show it to you sometime. Gotta run for now!

An Aunt Once Again

2006-06-19T16:34:00.000-04:00

This morning around 10:00 a.m. a beautiful baby girl was born to my beautiful sister Amber and her husband Mike. Her name is Jennifer Alexis and will be known as Lexi! She was 7lbs 12oz and 19 3/4 inches long. She's got dark curly hair just like her mommy, but she's got her daddy's nose. Mommy, Daddy and Lexi are doing fine. My dad is a proud grandpa and cried when he saw her. Shhh...don't tell anyone. Here are a few pictures of the big day:

She is a blessing from God and we all love her very much. I feel so blessed to be a part of her birth. That's it for now. God bless!

Enneagram

2006-03-07T18:11:00.000-05:00

For my Ministry of All Christians Class, we are discovering who we are and our call as Christians. I thought I would share with you my Enneagram type and you can link to it and test yourself if you would like. It's very interesting and I was surprised how well it fit me. It actually is me to a "T".

free enneagram test

A Little Bit of Reflection on the Truth

2006-01-18T16:16:00.000-05:00

Well new year, new semester, heck, a new day. I've made a covenant with God and myself to get up with Jason everyday so that I can have time to spend a little time with Jason and then after he leaves, God, alone, with a quiet house and the kids sleeping. It's been sorta nice despite the fact that I'm not an early morning person at all. All this is said to say that this morning when we awoke we chose to read our reading for Jim's class for the week together. He was a little ahead of me because I took a shower after him, but we had time for a brief discussion about it afterward.

It was taken from the book Lying: Moral Choice in Public and Private Life by Sissela Bok. I liked in the beginning when she talked about the "little white lies" leading to further deceptive practices. I know from experience, unfortunately that this is very true. Once someone starts these white lies, they gradually begin to further embellish stories and such and it becomes easier and easier and they start telling full out lies, which leads to worse. It seems to be a gigantic snowball effect that eventually leads to only the anger, fear, ect., that we've previously discussed.

I liked this quote: "Disagreeable facts come to be sugar-coated, and sad news softened or denied altogether. Many lie to children and to those who are ill about matters no longer peripheral but quite central, such as birth, adoption, divorce and death. Deceptive propaganda and misleading advertising abound. All these lies are often dismissed on the same grounds of harmlessness and triviality used for white lies in general."

Take for example the girl that took the placebos with perceived improvement. Yes it seemed to be working, but that lie cost the physician the trust of and probably the patient herself. So now, she may go get the tranquilizers elsewhere, just like she threatened to do in the first place.

There seems to me that there is little use for white lies. The only time I think they may be necessary is if telling the truth to make yourself feel better, thus makes someone else miserable. For instance (and I'm being open with you all because I trust you): Not quite ten years ago just after Jason and I were married, I made an indiscretion in my marriage. Jason did find out and we worked through the situation, obviously...however had he not found out, and I was truly sorry, and it hadn't happened again, and years went by and say the guilt was just eating me up and I felt like I needed to confess to him what had happened to let it go...it would just end up hurting him worse just for the selfish gain for me. It goes back to Embracing when we have to realize that God forgives us and thus we need to forgive ourselves. Once we have that relationship with God and truly feel that Christ dwells within us, we become honest with him and ourselves and that flows over into our relationship with others. It's the opposite of the lying snowball effect. The more we are honest with ourselves and others, the easier it is to continue to do so and we're in a honest snowball effect. It permeates our whole lives and beings and it becomes impossible for us to lie. I mean, how can we lie to God, when we're close enough to have a relationship with him, we know that he knows the truth anyway right?

Sorry I feel I've rambled a bit. It's why I don't comment as much as I would like, cuz then I feel like I may have bored you all. I like this topic, because it is something that I have had a lot of trouble with in my life unfortunatly and really struggled with. But you can ask Jason about this, I've taken considerable strides in the last couple years and though it's sometimes difficult, I've also realized through this class that when I do lie, it is out of fear when it comes down to the core of it...

... okay, so I've been reflecting all morning on the lying topic. Bear with me or don't worry about reading it because I'm just jotting down some thoughts on why I've struggled with lying...

My life growing up was very difficult. My parents got divorced when I was very young...6 I think. My mom remarried the next year. My step-father was an verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive person. As young children he verbally and emotionally abused my mom, 2 brothers and me. He was physically abusive to my brother Jim until he moved in with my dad when I was 12. The sexual abuse started when I was 16 to me and my youngest brother. My whole life was a lie...everything was a lie. It was the only way to survive. Looking back, it must be why I've struggled as an adult. I've lied to Jason so many times...and he has showed me so much mercy and grace by forgiving me and though he hasn't understood he's never judged me for it. It's always little things too. Like I would hide spending $10 at Walmart. I've really never lied about huge things...but in lying about the little things it's created huge problems. I've never thought about why I do it until today. At least not a reflection to my past childhood. I'm not using it as an excuse, because I'm responsible for the person I am today and it's not as hard anymore. I've realized and Jason's helped me realize that if I tell him the truth about the little things that it doesn't cause the big problems.

Again sorry for the rambling, but thought I would share my thoughts.

Merry Christmas a few days late...

2005-12-28T10:51:00.000-05:00

Last night was awesome! My brother Jim and his wife Susan and my sister Amber and her husband Mike all came over and we exchanged Christmas presents. We had a great time just hanging out. Amber and Mike we've known for a couple of months that they're having a baby. Before Amber got here Jim was commenting about her baby being due in May and I said "no, she's due in June." "Oh and Cassie and Chris (our cousins) are due in July," he said and then Susan said "and we're due in August." I about dropped the fork I was using to take the waffles out of the machine! So next summer I'll have 2 more nieces or nephews, or maybe one of each! I'm so excited! I love Aimee to death, but it's a little different when it's my own flesh and blood. I want to spoil Aimee and these two new babies like crazy. I want to be the best Aunt Natalie ever. Christmas next year will be so much fun, cuz they'll be old enough to play and open their presents, sorta. Needless to say, I'll have a lot of knitting to do over the next few months. But I can't wait!

Wow

2005-12-08T08:12:00.000-05:00

Finals are almost here and I'm surprisingly calm! I think what happened with Jason on Sunday sort of put it all into perspective for me. I experienced pretty darn near the "worst" and finals don't even compare! So if nothing else (other than Jason being fine) came out of what happened I'm greatful for this sense of peace I haven't experienced in weeks. God works mysteriously doesn't he. Gotta run for now and make sure the kids are dressed and fed.
~Natalie

Salvation

2005-10-20T10:28:00.000-04:00

Okay, the below is something I posted on my Sunday School Classes forum. We had a reading this week from Bob George's Classic Christianity: Life's Too Short to Miss the Real Thing and by Watchman Nee's The Normal Christian Life. Both had to do with salvation and I will bring the readings to our meeting on Monday. I think they are helpful!
You know I've found it sort of funny since I started this class and all my classes this semster at how they are all intertwining with one another. In my Basic Christian Beliefs class at school we were split into groups to do a group presentation in the next couple weeks and my group has to do one on Salvation. So last night when we met as a group we decided to poll people on what their idea of salvation is. I hadn't even got to my reading for this class until this morning! Salvation right in front of my face! I guess I like George's writing better because it put it in lamens terms for me. The purpose of this presentation is that we have to present it to a group who presumably are not Christians and have no idea what salvation is. That's what George's reading did for me! I'm sure that I'm going to quote him, alot, in our presentation.

So now my question is for all of you,(and Jim I hope you don't mind that I'm butting in the forum with school stuff, but also Mike thought you had a beautiful comment about Salvation, but when trying to remember what you said totally forgot, so I could use your writing it down too) what is your definition of salvation. Don't quote from the reading:) That's what I'll do, but just try to give me your honest thoughts on it in order that we can get an idea on most of the populations idea of Salvation.

I'll start: I think Salvation is something that we receive from God when we acknowledge that we are dead in sin and only alive through Christ living in us. Salvation I don't believe is a free ticket into heaven, but then again, define heaven. If one thinks heaven is in the future in a far off place, I disagree with them. Doesn't mean I'm right, but well, because of Jim, I now know that heaven is here and now also. We can only experience that through the salvation that we are given by grace.

I'm not saying that I experience heaven all the time...in everyday life that is hard to achieve, especially in the world we live in today. However I remember a day last fall, when I took my children and dog to Augusta City lake. It was cool and windy, but such a beautiful day. We just started walking, I let the kids and Jenny (oops w/out the leash) run in front of me and as I watched them, my beautiful family run throught the fall leaves by the beautiful water, I just knew I was experiencing heaven right then and there. There have been times since then that I've experienced this, but it was the first time that I had realized that Jim was right when he told me in class that it was possible.

I also don't think there is anything we can do to loose are salvation once we've accepted Christ into our lives. We'll make mistakes, maybe even bad ones, but at that point that we become alive in Christ, He will always be there with us, whether we see him or not.

Now I'm still relatively new in my faith, and a ways away from my degree in religion, so please tell me if I'm in any way off base on this! Thanks for any comments you can give me in advance. If you'd rather not post them on here, feel free to post on my blog at http://makesa.blogspot.com

Some Fall Photos

2005-09-30T17:30:00.000-04:00

Basic Christian Beliefs

2005-09-19T14:25:00.000-04:00

This is a post for those in my group for Basic Christian Beliefs. Just click on the comment part and we can dialogue that way when we have ideas or questions. I'm excited about this topic. I think Salvation is something very powerful.

Those of you not in the group who happen to read this post: Please answer this question. What does Salvation mean to you? Even if you are not a person of Christian faith and think it's a bunch of hooey I would love to hear your thoughts.
You would be helping us out alot as we have to make a presentation to our class toward the end of the semester. Thanks!

In God's Image

2005-09-19T14:05:00.000-04:00

Okay, I came to a wonderful enlightenment this Sunday! In service at Chapel Hill, Pastor Jeff had a forum type sermon with two scientists from the Discovery Channel to discuss the questions of Creationism vs. Evolution. Big topic for a sermon, but it was done rather well in my own opinion. The big thing for me didn't come to me until service was over. During the service Steve Jacobs told us that when he was in high school it was known that protons and electrons were the smallest particles in the universe. Since then it has been discovered that protons are made of smaller parts yet, and that electrons actually have no mass, they are small bends of light. Our bodies are made with a tapestry of these small bends of light. Well, following service we went of course to Jim's class where he read 1 John 1:5--God is Light. Ponder that! How awesome is that?! WE ARE MADE IN HIS IMAGE! It's been proven by science! It gives me goosebumps to think about it. Yes I know others have probably made this realization...and I knew that we were in His image anyway, especially in the way we have dominion over all the creatures on this Earth, but to be made in a physical image is powerful to me.

A little shocked...but very proud.

2005-09-07T09:42:00.000-04:00

Jason just called me a little bit ago and told me that they asked him if he would volunteer to go to the gulf to set up temporary communications in the disaster of Hurricane Katrina. So far we don't know any details like when he's leaving or for how long, but it will probably be for an extensive amount of time. I'm very excited for him just for the fact that he's not had anything to really respond to with his job in the last year except for one storm in eastern Kansas. So now he's really going to be able to do something to help people. He's been searching for a way to help with the disaster and now he can. I'm extremely proud of the job he does and how well he does it, and for the fact that it will help people in great need. Please pray for him for the next few weeks. I pray that he not only restores communications, but can spread the love of God while doing his job.

What a day!

2005-08-21T18:45:00.000-04:00

Nothing really spectacular, it just seemed like we were here and there and everywhere today! Teach Sunday school at EH, then got to CHF, lunch with Pastor Jeff and Pastor Terry, then ice cream social at Friends and then back to EH for Taylor's Bible Adventures class. It was a good day though. Everything went smoothly and we ended up where we were supposed to be on time.

I taught my last 5th grade SS class at EH. There were only two boys, so it was pretty quiet. I'll miss it, but I'm sorta glad it's come to an end. I wasn't ready to committ to doing it every week, but it was difficult co teaching only once a month and knowing for sure what the other teachers had done.

At CHF, Taylor and I enjoyed a sermon by Jim. It's always amazing to hear his sermons. It's similar to classes with him, but I don't know...there's something about the way he can hold your attention. Jon, and our other beloved Jim have that effect on me also. The way they preach the word of God is truly inspiring and can make a person feel God in their presence so much more clearly than before you entered the service.

It was great to go to Friends and see so many faces I've missed over the summer. There are still a few I haven't seen yet, but I look forward to it on Thursday! I never thought I would have college buddies, but I do and I love it. I know some great people that I've met there and hope that we will continue to be friends our entire lives!

Jason is coming home from Colorado tonight and since it's a day earlier than planned he still has tomorrow off, which is AWESOME! Now we can spend a whole day together tomorrow! Well, he, Jaimey and I while Taylor is at school. After him being gone since Thursday I miss him so much and will greatly appreciate the time together tomorrow.

Well, that's really it for my day. Just needed to destress after being gone all day so I thought I would let go on my blog and drink a cup of hot tea. It helped!

Another year!

2005-08-17T16:24:00.000-04:00

Well, Taylor begins his next year of school tomorrow morning. I can't believe he will be in the third grade! He is such an awesome kid and way too smart for his own good. I hope that this year will go good for him.

We had a great summer together! Taylor joined swimteam and did wonderful! From the first meet to the last he improved his backstroke by over 20 seconds! How awesome is that?

We also went through a bad time when we had to put our dog Jenny down. Jenny was Taylor's best friend.

But after a few weeks we found Micah, our wonderful puppy, who I don't quite have a picture of yet. We have one, but I haven't developed the film. She is turning out to be quite the dog.

I'm really going to miss spending days with Taylor. As much as he tries my patience I love him so much!

Amazed

2005-08-15T07:58:00.000-04:00

We did it!! We finally broke Jaimey of sucking her thumb! And it happened just before preschool starts. It's the beginning of the third day and I can't even credit it to the child psych class I'm starting in a week and a half. I will impart this wisdom in the off chance that anyone I know will ever have this problem with their child. Saturday morning I had finally had it so I found some electrical tape and a sock. I fought her tooth and nail getting it on and she screamed her head off. When I finally got her to calm down she told me she was afraid she would look silly! Nevermind how silly she looks with the thumb stuck in her mouth 24/7. So I told her I would take it off, but she had to promise not to suck it or I would put it on immediately. She said okay and didn't suck it the whole day. She lets me put it on at night so she won't suck it in her sleep but I haven't seen her suck it once the last two days. I don't know if it was the method, or if she was just finally ready to give it up, but the important thing is it worked. So, just before she was 5, Jaimey Lou-Noel finally stopped sucking her thumb on August 13th.

Things you don't expect.

2005-08-04T12:44:00.000-04:00

The day before yesterday, I was feeling sorry for myself. People keep calling about bills, money's tight...just being selfish. Last night I realized how selfish that is, and made a definite decision about my future. Our friend Mike called and told us that a family from Lakin was in a car accident and lost their two children. I've known the Catherine and Brian since they were really little and they were only twelve (?) and nine. Even though I haven't seen them in 3 years, and I was never really close to them (I worked with Brad and taught the children swim lessons) I felt an overwhelming call to go see Brad and Madilyn, as he is in SICU at Wesley. On the way I called Mark so that I would have someone there for me also. I realized how blessed I really am! Catherine and Brian could have so easily been Taylor and Jaimey. I just really wanted them to know that God loves them and will help them through this, that even though they're away from home there are people here that can help and who will listen. It was God telling me to minister to these people through love and listening. It's something that's been pulling at my heart for awhile and it finally whacked me over the head. So I'm changing my major to ministry instead of just youth ministry. I have an appointment with Jim Smith tomorrow and had debated telling him about my indecision and am glad that there is no longer that indecision.
If anyone does read this, on that off chance, please pray for Brad and Madilyn Elliot and their family. It will be a very hard near future for them and when I asked them if there was anything I could do all they said was please pray for us. So I'm sending this out as a plea to pray hard for them, because I cannot imagine life without my children.

Another addition to the family....

2005-07-15T07:51:00.000-04:00

Yeah! I know what you're all thinking, given that there is definitly something in the water with most everyone in our lives right now, but no...we're not pregnant again! Some of you may or may not know that we had to put our dog, Jenny, down three weeks ago. She was hurt again and we decided it would be better to put her down than for her to suffer anymore. Well, what is a house with kids without a dog?
Yesterday, we picked up Micah. We've been looking for the last week and finally found the dog for us. She's 4 months old, almost. She was born March 25th. She's as big as Jenny was, and she's got alot more growing to go! Her daddy was full St. Bernard and her momma was as Huskie/Shephard mix. She is the most lovable piece of fur I've ever seen! The cat Smokey, has just been a big ball of poof, however. When we get some pictures taken of her I'll post some.

I'm an Aunt!!

2005-07-07T16:15:00.000-04:00

Well, it finally happened! Yesterday around 10:30 my baby niece was born. Her name is Aimee Isabella and it sounds like she and mommy and daddy are doing great! Praise the Lord for such a miracle! I thought becoming a mom was exciting, but this is a pretty close second! She is adorable too. I haven't seen her in person but Andrew sent pictures via email yesterday and I fell in love. Needless to say my hands are aching because of course I haven't finished the baby blanket I've been knitting, so I've been busy with that all day today. I'd post a picture of my adorable baby niece, but I'm not sure how Wendy and Andrew would feel about that, so anyone who wants to see pictures ask and I would be glad to show you in person!

Ahhh...Summer Days!!!

2005-05-25T09:33:00.000-04:00

So I took more than a week...sue me! I had a much needed break for two weeks instead and it was wonderful! I had a week without kids during the day, due to daycare being paid until last Friday and Taylor still being in school until this afternoon. I won't say that I worked my butt off this last two weeks, however I didn't sit on it the whole time either. I took advantage of the time alone to go through the house room by room and did a much needed deep cleaning/cleansing of everything. By cleansing I mean purging. I got rid of a lot of stuff we didn't need, the kids didn't eat and the animals didn't need. So I can now start the summer with a clean house, though likely starting tomorrow it won't stay that way! :)

I finished the semester a little under what I was striving for, but am still satisfied with the results. The important thing is I really feel that I learned alot this semester and am grateful for it. It was my most challenging semester yet and considering there's at least four, if not more (graduate school), to go, then that might be a bad sign. But I also know that the Lord is with me and guiding me through each and every step. I will no doubt have a great experience and am still excited about the next few years of my life. Gotta admit, other than my family, this is the longest I've stuck with anything! I'm a little proud of myself, although I probably shouldn't be. I'm at 68.5 hours and need 124 total, so I'm over half way! Yea!

Sorry if it feels I've been distant to anyone lately. As I've said before it's been challenging, i.e. a little stressful. I'm still also struggling with what I would like to do after Friends. I take that back, I know what I would like to do, but placing the family in that equation is what makes it a struggle. But the Lord is also working with me on that and I know that somehow, we'll figure it out. Jason seems to forget that the kids won't be 8 and 4 in two and a half years by the time I would start seminary. They'll end up being 10 1/2 and almost 7. That does seem to be unbelievable, but the more I think about it I just don't think traveling like Mark does would be as impossible as it first seemed. If Jason needed to be out of town over night, I'm sure teachers would be understanding to that for me to come home or we have enough friends that they could stay somewhere. Honestly, I would like to stay here in Augusta. I like it here, like our house, the schools, my children's friends. Why move to Kansas City other than to be closer to our new niece coming in July? Not that that would be a bad thing!

I feel like I'm just rambling today. Oh well! I really do need to run though. Jaimey's getting her 4 year old shots this morning and I need to get her ready.

It's almost over...for this semester

2005-05-04T19:50:00.000-04:00

Well, all my assignments are turned in and as it sits right now, I'm doing good, but a couple papers have yet to be graded and my first final is on Friday at 10. Yikes! It's Philosophy and I'm frantically reading a couple books I should have read already for it. Then comes my Romans final on Monday, which will be tough, but managable. Tuesday is my Old Testament final, which will be long, but I'm not worried about it. And then I'm done! Don't expect to hear much from me for the next few days, but I'm still checking the blog. Brad if you read this, you really have me thinking about some things, because I'm right with you on Sunday's sermon I think, but I need to give it a little more thought. It really got me thinking too, but haven't had much time to reflect yet.
Jason and I need prayers on Friday night as we will have a house full of 8 year old boys all night, along with a few girls until 8 on Friday. This is the first sleepover, so I'm not totally sure what we're getting ourselves into! I'm excited about it though.
Shouts of prayer out to all my fellow students during the next week or so! You're in my prayers constantly because I know we all need it! Talk to you all next week!

Jesus Loves You...Even When You Cry!

2005-05-02T07:21:00.000-04:00

What a weekend! First of all, Saturday, my dear friend Carol and I went to Heritage Keepers, a women's conference. The speakers were wonderful, but what was amazing was spending some alone time with her. I got to hear Point of Grace in concert and heard an amazing testimony of God's love by Stephanie Fast. If you ever have the chance to hear her, go!

Sunday was Jaimey's baptism. Out of the 11 friends and family there, only 2 go to church on a regular basis, so we felt blessed for all of them to come to see the Holy Spirit come to Jaimey! As for Jaimey, she did pretty good right up until Shelly went to actually baptize her. She suddenly got scared of the fact that she was the center of all those people's attention and started crying. Hard. I wasn't really worried about that so much, as I was scared she would pull Mommy's skirt down right there in front of the congregation with a camera rolling! Fortunatly, God answered that prayer! Shelly took it well and baptized her as her head was buried in Daddy's chest. We prayed and I took her out for a minute. I asked her what was wrong, and she said,"I was scared! All those people were looking at me!" I told her that's okay, it is a little scary up there and told her Jesus still loves her, and so does all those people. She calmed down rather quickly and we went back in.

We had a wonderful suprise in that Donna, Shannon, Dominic and Alyssa Jones were in town for something else, but got to see the baptism. Donna babysat Jaimey last year and Jaimey and Alyssa were best friends, and still talk about each other all the time, so Jaimey was so glad they were there.

We had a barbeque at the house afterwards and it went really well. By the time a few more relatives showed up some had left, so everyone fit in our little house well. It was a great weekend! And I realized how grown up my little boy is! Wow, he is growing into a handsome young man! His faith is developing so fast. And he had a protective and encouraging presence around his sister all weekend. He prayed over her at dinner on Saturday night, and it brought tears to my eyes, the things he said in his prayer for her! I really couldn't ask for two better children. Remind me to read this if anyone ever hears me griping! :)

Men in Black and Cocoa Pecan Sandies

2005-04-27T20:09:00.000-04:00

Spent this afternoon making cookies for Taylor's class tomorrow, cleaning up the house for this weekend and watching MIB with Taylor. Tomorrow I'm his completely! No homework, no computer, no t.v., nothing. That is my birthday present is that he has me entirely to himself. How great is that?

Got in a discussion today about accepting other people of different sexual preferences. I keep going back to the story in Embracing the Love of God about Rich Mullins and his car ride with the guy in Tennessee. I guess there is a group at Friends that is now meeting and it's being approved by the president. My friend wonders how you love someone and accept them without encouraging the behavior...any thoughts?

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...

2005-04-26T21:25:00.000-04:00

So Jason and Jaimey have only been out of town since yesterday morning, but it feels like they've been gone for a week already. I'm missing them tons! It's been so quiet around the house with just me and Taylor. Anyone reading this can probably tell that I'm bored because this is the fourth post of the day, but I am trying to get used to this whole blog thing. I keep changing it and trying to add things. I'm all about change, which isn't necessarily a good thing, but oh, well. Ask Jason sometime how much I like to rearrange the house.
I read an article today about forgiveness that my friend Josh posted on Today's Christian blog. It was awesome! Check it out and tell me what you think. It's called CT Classic: Forgiveness—The Power to Change the Past. Just click on the title of the post and it should take you there.

My angel Jaimey

2005-04-26T18:37:00.000-04:00

My angel Jaimey is getting baptized this Sunday! It's a decision she made a couple months ago. It's amazing to see the faith of a child in Christ. They don't question...they just accept. To have the faith of a child...I want to strive for that again.

Figuring it out!

2005-04-26T18:14:00.000-04:00

Okay, now I think I'm figuring it out...slowly! I now have links to great online music and to other friend's blogs and my church. I'll slowly start adding things as I have time so be patient with me.

Not sure how this all works!

2005-04-26T16:38:00.000-04:00

Yeah, this is my first attempt at a blog page, so I'm really not even sure what I'm doing, but it seems to be all the rage right now. As if I don't have enough to do I can now try to keep up with keeping up with this!

Isn't life awesome thought? The things that it throws your way. I think God knows just exactly what we need when we need it, and although we may not recognize that he does, he does anyway.

Life is sort of hectic right now! I have 3 more weeks of school and then finally, hopefully a break for awhile! Gotta get finished up with some papers and study for finals, which I really should be doing now, but oh well!

Taylor will be 8 on Thursday! Can you believe it? I can't, it doesn't even seem possible to me! And my baby's getting baptized on Sunday the 1st. I can't wait for that.

Just keep praying is all I can keep thinking. I know God provides and with that I'm outta here for now!