Breath of Heaven

So a few days ago I was driving in downtown Augusta, (yeah, I say that like it's a huge metropolis) to the postoffice to send back our Dark Knight DVD to Blockbuster.com (sorta like netflicks). I drove past a small church and happened to take notice of the sign out in front. It was one of those marquee signs where you have to go out and change the letters. Most of the time this time of year, you drive by church signs and it says something about "anticipation of Christ" or the normal "Merry Christmas," but this sign caught me entirely off guard. The sign said, "If you're not looking for Jesus, then he's not looking for you." I wanted to just start crying! What kind of message is that to share with people who don't know Christ?

This morning in Sunday School the children's memory verse was Luke 2.10 that says, "Do not be afraid, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people." I asked them, "What people?" And they shouted, "All people!" I asked, "What about the man who did something wrong and is in jail? Is it for him?" They shouted, "Yes!" "What about that cranky old neighbor across the street?" "Yes!" One of the boys asked, "What about Scrooge?" (our church is doing a production of Scrooge this weekend.) "Yes!" they shouted. Then I whispered, "What about the person who doesn't believe in Jesus?" They paused mid shout and you could see the wheels turning in their smart, precious little heads. But then as suddenly as they stopped all of them went ahead and shouted, "Yes!" They get it! These precious children read these words and they see "all people" and they know that it means everyone!

During worship we saw a video that talked about four little words that sum up what Christmas is: God is with us! So if that's true, if the Christ is for all people and Emmanuel means, God is with us, why is that church proclaiming that if we're not looking for Christ then Christ is not looking for us? I've found in my life time that the times I feel the most hurt, desperate and alone, and "not looking for Christ" are the times when I know that Christ is looking the hardest for me! Even before we know Him, he knows us! Every hair on our head! He knitted us together in our mother's womb, each and every person on earth! Why would he not always be actively pursuing each of us, even when we are not aware of Him?

Most Christian denominations talk about God's grace, but the most profound thoughts of grace I have heard is from the United Methodist Church, and is most of the reason I will never go to another denomination, because I believe so whole heartedly in this. John Wesley believes in three kinds of grace: Prevenient Grace, Justiying Grace and Sanctifying Grace. There is a definition for each one of these of course and those of you who are not United Methodists are just going to have look up the other two because the one I think that applies when it comes to this sign is Prevenient Grace. Prevenient Grace is grace that is bestowed on us before we are ever aware of God's action in our lives. It's been said that it's "God's wooing of us." His whispering in us, showing us that he's there before we ever even know it. I wholeheartedly and unabashadly proclaim that to tell people that Christ is not looking for them if they're not looking for Him is wrong. Because how would anyone really come to have a relationship with Christ, if He was not looking for us first? I don't know a single person who didn't have Christ knocking on their door before they knocked on his. The reason anyone begins to pursue a relationship with Christ is because He has first whispered in their ears, somehow nudging them, praying that they open their ears and hear Him.

This has been a tough semester for me. Most of my closest friends know the reasons for this. Twelve hours, working for two professors, and at church all the while commuting to and from Kansas City, while being a mother and wife...plus so many numerous other things has taken its toll. But I'm remembering, being renewed in the fact that I know that God's grace is extended to me. God is with me! Christ came to take away my sin, my mistakes, my everything, in order to save me. I've finally decided after months of suffering to turn things, yet again, over to Him. It's all I can do and more importantly, it's what He wants me to do. I was reminded today that the first thing they say in AA is that you can't do it by yourself, there is a power greater than yourself. I've been denying that I need His help, but this week, I admitted to myself and others that I'm not okay, I'm suffering and I need help, and it's amazing at how much peace I feel in my heart. I've decided to make the special song at worship today my prayer for awhile, and my lovely friend Raegan agreed with me. It goes something like this:

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Heavenly Father, please hold me together, lighten my darkness and remind me every second that you have extended your undeserved grace to me as your gift to me. Keep me strong and help me to help people to know that You are Holy! You are there for everyone and you are pursuing them persistantly and refuse to ever let them do it on their own whether they realize it or not. Amen.