There is a Season

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
~Ecclesiastes 3.1-8

Okay, so I haven't blogged regularly...at all in seminary. I quote Patrick Sehl when I say that I would almost agree that seminary can be a place where your faith goes to die. However, it can also begin to grow again...it dies, but is reborn in a new light. Three years ago I sat in the very chair I'm sitting in now, wondering if I was going to survive my years here at Saint Paul, and though I haven't fully survived them yet, (I still have 226 days)I am almost there! There have times in seminary that I have struggled harder than any other point in my life, and many people who know me may try to argue with that, but I would say hands down that this has been the hardest thing in my life that I've ever had to tackle. I have died, and I have lived, I have wept and laughed, I have killed and healed, I have mourned and danced, I have loved and hated, I have kept silent and have spoken. All the elements of this scripture have been a part of my seminary life. Two years ago, I never wanted to come back. Somehow I kept coming. Last year I was barely on campus and couldn't stand being here except while in class.
Today I sit in a very place that literally terrified me, happy. I am happy that I have survived, have made lifelong friends that I couldn't imagine not having in my life: Melissa, Natasha, Justin and Bryce. Whether you four know it or not I have been able to lean on you and allow you to embrace me and yet refused to allow you to embrace me. We have supported one another like no other support I've ever known other than my husband. You will always mean the world to me! I truly believe that God has led us to this place, God will allow us to get through the impossible in order to be vessels in order to spread the good news of the reigning kingdom and God has made you some of my best friends in the entire world. Melissa and Bryce, I know we're driving you nuts with the 226 days thing, but I hope you know that though you're not graduating with us, you will always be graduating with us. You have been here through it all and I love you both dearly.
Thank you to all my friends who have supported me in my call to ministry. And know that there is a season in which God will triumph as I will confidently say I have triumphed over seminary.

Who He Is

Where have the last 12 years, 10 months and 18 days gone? Just yesterday it seems I had this adorable little strawberry blond baby toddling around while watching Rugrats, with his blue eyes sparkling and dancing. Now he's as tall as my chin, his hair that he claims is not red, though it is, is unmanageable and hangs down in his eyes, much to my dismay. Actually I can't stand his hair, but it is just hair. He wears baggy pants the same sweatshirt all the time and baths in body spray. He's such a boy! He gets mad at me that I won't let him have a facebook account yet, not for another month and 18 days. He's frustrated that I pick up his cell phone at any random times to look through his text messages. He gets mad at when I tell him to do his chores. He fights with his sister and picks on her all the time. And when he decides he wants to wrestle with me, I always ask him, "are you sure you want to do this?" And he's always determined to take me down, and never does (yet) and gets mad at me for beating him. He still surprises me every morning though that he trudges out of his room, hair going everywhere, seeking me out first, before anything to wrap his ever growing longer arms around my waist to hug me goodmorning.

This morning during a prayer, the pray-er said something about us not feeling important enough. But he reminded us that we are important to God. God loves us and to God we are extraordinary! This immediately made me think of my little boy. See when I went through his text the other day I came across a conversation between him and one of his friends. His friend told him how they are not important. He asked his friend, "what?" They repeated the statement. He said, "what are you talking about? You are too! You're important to me! I need you in my life! Who told you you're not important?" "My parents," they replied. "Well, they're great parents *sarcastically*" he replied to his friend. My thought is they're stupid parents! Every child, every person IS important!

It warmed my heart to see how caring and encouraging my son is. It suddenly made me realize that a frustrated as I get with him, and as much as he's still my little boy, who he is...he is a boy who is growing into a young man. His heart is full and he loves people, (not the boys who pick on him) but he is going to be such an amazing person! I'm so proud of him and he is so important and extraordinary, if not to me, then definitely God! I pray that those seeking morning hugs never end.

Counting My Blessings

This week I've asked my congregation to count their blessings as a soul exercise. In keeping in solidarity with them I am going to list my blessings!

A loving, gracious relationship with God
Jason
Taylor
Jaimey
Micah
My extended family, including but not limited to my parents, brothers, sister and in-law, grandparents and cousins
J.D. and Carol
Becky
Melissa
Sara
Mandy
The opportunity to have a higher education
An amazing congregation that I serve in humility (Greenwich UMC)
Another amazing congregation that claims me as theirs (Chapel Hill)
Green grass
Budding flowers
The Sun!
A roof over my head
The opportunity to buy a home
The memories of the trips that I've been able to take with my family
All the wonderful things and bad junk that has helped shape who I am
Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper
Coffee
Chocolate
Ice Cream
Peppermint Mochas from Starbucks
Knowing my great grandfather until I was 26 and my great grandmother til I was 30
Wireless Internet and a laptop!
A car that runs well to get me to KC
Living in the United States
Love
Good Stories
Feta Cheese
Bethany
Music
Song
Grace
Forgiveness
Cute Shoes
Freedom
Warm weather
That Dr. Graves wears a bow tie to class
The opportunity for discussion
rain puddles

This is not an extensive list...I have many other blessings in my life, probably a list that could go on for days!

Many blessings to all of you!
Natalie

It's Been Awhile

It's been awhile since I've written on here.
It's been awhile since I've felt totally at peace in my life.

But I do at this moment! Yay!

It's appropriate that the last time that I blogged I shared a poem about my grandparents. Their 60th anniversary is coming up in May and I'm thrilled about the number of family that will be there. It's made me really reflect on who they are, how they helped form and shape who I am. I read a scripture yesterday from John 12.8, "You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me." Granted this scripture is referring to Jesus not always being with the disciples, but for me it helps me reflect on my grandparents. I'm a pastor, student, mom, wife, etc. I have a busy life obviously. But this scripture has reminded me I will have a busy life for quite awhile. My grandparents aren't always going to be with me. I need to take more time out of my life in order to be with my grandparents. Granny and Grandpa have always been there and when I look back on my childhood they were the stable of my life. Their home, presence and love is the only place I can look at in my childhood as a constant. How amazing is that? I'm so grateful to them for helping me to become the person that I am today, even in all my flaws.

Now as far as being at peace...well, life is just at a good place right now! Jason and I have made the decision to buy our first house! Joy and a huge sense of being nauseous at the same time, as any new home owner can attest to. But everything has just fallen in to place, and as far as itineracy in the UMC, well, I have faith that "all shall be well." God has provided in so much in my life and God will provide here as well. The kids will start new schools and are excited about it! The house is 2 1/2 miles from the church I serve and about 5 miles to Jason's work. It is a blessing in our lives.

I also for the first time in a couple of years now feel at peace at seminary again. I've found a worship service that is at (yikes) 7 in the morning, but the last two mornings it has shaped my days into God centered and filled days! I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be able to be a part of something that nourishes me. Granted I love, Love, LOVE my congregation, but I'm in a serving role there. I need a place that I can be served. Fed and be fed is how pastors should live there lives. Seminary takes so much out of you and I've come to resent being there: resent the time it takes from my family, my church, myself and most importantly God. That has changed this semester so far. I'm enjoying my classes again. I'm learning from them again. I'm being changed by them again. I'm confident them again! I'm speaking up in class, not feeling inadequate anymore. I've been affirmed and empowered (by who or what other than God, I'm not completely sure) and feel as though what I have to say is important and relevant again! Life is Good! Even at Saint Paul.

So a shout out of thanks to all the "mentors" in my life. Whether you know you are or not, if you are reading this, you care enough about me and what I have to say to have impacted my life for the better in some way. And I love you!

Many blessings to you all,
Natalie

We Would Make Our Pilgrimage to that Place

This was a poem sent to me by my brother Bill. It's amazing and I cried, laughed and just fell in love with it because it describes our grandparents. I miss those days so much! Hope you all enjoy!

We would make our pilgrimage to that place
Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving
We would be welcomed with a warm embrace
By arms of age and full of living
When entering that comfy, humble abode
Baking granny’s rolls entered my nose
Or ripe peaches resting on the buffet
That grandpa had picked that day
The smoke from his own rolled cigarettes
Greeted you with a smile from the front step
Sitting on a metal folding chair
Prince Albert slowly dancing in the air
There was time before we ate
To wander round to the garden gate
Or watch the daredevil cousins spin
On vortexes of fear and adrenaline
The old branch would creak and groan
As little hands clutched with all they could loan
To that old tire dangling on a rope
Not to be thrown was the dreadful hope
At times my hands would be dyed
Stained by the juicy mulberry hedge
I would pluck, eat, and hide
As I gazed across to the cow shed
Watching the Bessie flick the flies
Chew her cud and eat pulled weed
Out of little hands with wide eyes
Not always minding Grandpa’s heed
Beyond the cow yard was heaven on earth
Bless grandparents and their farm hands
A castle of alfalfa for this lowly serf
We would climb to the top and guard the lands
It overlooked yards of cow and swine
It wasn’t possible for grandpa to keep us off
That wonderland of dried vegetation and twine
Outside was good, but inside was food
The best one could dream of
Granny knew the best ingredients
Her hands, her heart, her love
Grab a plate of chicken and dumplings
Finding a bone will make you wink
Use the hot roll to sop it up
A glass of sweet tea to drink
Top it off with, uh, I can’t decide
Mayonnaise cake? Mulberry cobbler? Custard Pie?
Sure, all three will do
Because Granny surely loves you
To know now, we not only ate the flour
The butter, the sugar, the eggs
We also ate work of hour after hour
Long days of labor on tired feet and legs
Their sweat quenched our thirst
And their patience and laughter fed our souls
Their discipline made us think first
Leaving in our characters no room for holes
We made a pilgrimage to that place
Several times a year
We would savor that warm embrace
Knowing love and no fear

The Climb

Okay, so if you know me at all, you know that there are times I tend to be a dork of sorts. And this is one of those times. Now you need to remember this: I have an eight year old daughter...think about that for a second...who do many eight year old girls admire the most in the world right now? I'll give you a clue. My husband and I were in the grocery store this morning and saw an entire display of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, toothpaste, and nail polish with guess who on it? I'm sure that unless you've crawled under a rock you know who I'm talking about...Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus! So needless to say, Miley has sort of been forced on our family of four by one...my eight year old daughter. But let me tell you, as I've listened to her numerous songs, and seen her new movie and watched my daughter admire her, I have one prayer for Miley: that she remains the girl who has millions of young girls looking up to her, and always remembers where she came from and the values that she currently has. In one of her most recent songs, I was quickly drawn to it. The beat was good, it has a softer, slightly country twang going on in it. But then something happened to me recently that made me absolutely fall in love with it's lyrics.

If you know me well at all, you know that I'm going into ministry, and more specifically am seeking ordination for elder in the United Methodist Church. Now before I started this process (and boy what a process it is) I never knew hat all that entailed. First of all, there you have to have a bachelor degree in something. Then you have to take a spiritual gifts test, receive a mentor, go through this long book discerning your call to ministry, be approved by one board after another, take a psychological exam, be examined by a psychiatrist, have a physical, go to seminary (or course of study, but I'm doing seminary) be approved by more boards, write answers to the same questions over and over again...

This is a brief description...it's much more work than anyone would ever dream...you literally have to climb and climb and climb, and fall, and climb, and think it might not be worth it, and fall and climb and fall again, and climb...

But last Wednesday I received a phone call. A phone call I've been waiting on very anxiously for a couple of months now. It was my wonderful District Superintendent Cheryl Jefferson Bell, calling to tell me that she had a possible church for me. I was so thrilled, I didn't even care what church it was! But the more she began describing it, the more excited I got! It sounds like it will fit me me to a "T"! The church is Greenwich United Methodist Church, in Wichita, KS. It is a 20 to 25 member church, in the most adorable building in the middle of the country. It reminds me so much of home, it makes me want to cry and smile at the same time. I've met two people in the congregation and they are wonderful people and seem genuinely excited to have a young female pastor and her family join them at their church.

But my excitedness couldn't overwhelm me quite then. I still had to be approved by one more board, the Board of Ordained Ministry to be a Local Licensed Pastor. I was so nervous about that interview, but of course was overly nervous. It wasn't exactly a breeze, but it was comfortable and encouraging and uplifting. I've been so blessed in that my experience through this process has been long and confusing at times, but I've always felt uplifted and encouraged. I know others who haven't had that same blessing and pray that someday that will change.

So what does that have to do with Miley Cyrus's song lyrics? Well, read them below:

"I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa!"

~Miley Cyrus

There have been so many times I've had that little voice in my head saying "You'll never make it." I even wrote a final paper for Dr. Chris Kettler at Friends University, before graduating saying that I had no idea what I was doing, and wondered if I had imagined the whole thing...I'm so ashamed of that paper that I've recently been praying about contacting him and apologizing to him for it. This is a long process, and my faith has been shaken up, more than I can ever really reveal, but I've kept climbing, I've kept the faith and even though the climb is not over, and won't be for a while, the rewards along the way are so worth it. God has been with me the entire climb, whispering a bit louder than that other voice telling me, "You're going to make it, I'm right here!" And I know that I could not have done it without God's help.

So, now let me invite you to come visit me starting the first Sunday in July at Greenwich United Methodist Church, 5500 N. Greenwich Rd., Wichita, KS at 9:00 a.m, and help me keep climbing!

Blessings to you all,
Pastor Natalie K. Bryant

Breath of Heaven

So a few days ago I was driving in downtown Augusta, (yeah, I say that like it's a huge metropolis) to the postoffice to send back our Dark Knight DVD to Blockbuster.com (sorta like netflicks). I drove past a small church and happened to take notice of the sign out in front. It was one of those marquee signs where you have to go out and change the letters. Most of the time this time of year, you drive by church signs and it says something about "anticipation of Christ" or the normal "Merry Christmas," but this sign caught me entirely off guard. The sign said, "If you're not looking for Jesus, then he's not looking for you." I wanted to just start crying! What kind of message is that to share with people who don't know Christ?

This morning in Sunday School the children's memory verse was Luke 2.10 that says, "Do not be afraid, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people." I asked them, "What people?" And they shouted, "All people!" I asked, "What about the man who did something wrong and is in jail? Is it for him?" They shouted, "Yes!" "What about that cranky old neighbor across the street?" "Yes!" One of the boys asked, "What about Scrooge?" (our church is doing a production of Scrooge this weekend.) "Yes!" they shouted. Then I whispered, "What about the person who doesn't believe in Jesus?" They paused mid shout and you could see the wheels turning in their smart, precious little heads. But then as suddenly as they stopped all of them went ahead and shouted, "Yes!" They get it! These precious children read these words and they see "all people" and they know that it means everyone!

During worship we saw a video that talked about four little words that sum up what Christmas is: God is with us! So if that's true, if the Christ is for all people and Emmanuel means, God is with us, why is that church proclaiming that if we're not looking for Christ then Christ is not looking for us? I've found in my life time that the times I feel the most hurt, desperate and alone, and "not looking for Christ" are the times when I know that Christ is looking the hardest for me! Even before we know Him, he knows us! Every hair on our head! He knitted us together in our mother's womb, each and every person on earth! Why would he not always be actively pursuing each of us, even when we are not aware of Him?

Most Christian denominations talk about God's grace, but the most profound thoughts of grace I have heard is from the United Methodist Church, and is most of the reason I will never go to another denomination, because I believe so whole heartedly in this. John Wesley believes in three kinds of grace: Prevenient Grace, Justiying Grace and Sanctifying Grace. There is a definition for each one of these of course and those of you who are not United Methodists are just going to have look up the other two because the one I think that applies when it comes to this sign is Prevenient Grace. Prevenient Grace is grace that is bestowed on us before we are ever aware of God's action in our lives. It's been said that it's "God's wooing of us." His whispering in us, showing us that he's there before we ever even know it. I wholeheartedly and unabashadly proclaim that to tell people that Christ is not looking for them if they're not looking for Him is wrong. Because how would anyone really come to have a relationship with Christ, if He was not looking for us first? I don't know a single person who didn't have Christ knocking on their door before they knocked on his. The reason anyone begins to pursue a relationship with Christ is because He has first whispered in their ears, somehow nudging them, praying that they open their ears and hear Him.

This has been a tough semester for me. Most of my closest friends know the reasons for this. Twelve hours, working for two professors, and at church all the while commuting to and from Kansas City, while being a mother and wife...plus so many numerous other things has taken its toll. But I'm remembering, being renewed in the fact that I know that God's grace is extended to me. God is with me! Christ came to take away my sin, my mistakes, my everything, in order to save me. I've finally decided after months of suffering to turn things, yet again, over to Him. It's all I can do and more importantly, it's what He wants me to do. I was reminded today that the first thing they say in AA is that you can't do it by yourself, there is a power greater than yourself. I've been denying that I need His help, but this week, I admitted to myself and others that I'm not okay, I'm suffering and I need help, and it's amazing at how much peace I feel in my heart. I've decided to make the special song at worship today my prayer for awhile, and my lovely friend Raegan agreed with me. It goes something like this:

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Heavenly Father, please hold me together, lighten my darkness and remind me every second that you have extended your undeserved grace to me as your gift to me. Keep me strong and help me to help people to know that You are Holy! You are there for everyone and you are pursuing them persistantly and refuse to ever let them do it on their own whether they realize it or not. Amen.

Renewed by a Tornado!

Okay, I know, it's been over a month since I blogged...and a month since school got out...what can I say? I've been busier since school got out amazingly! And really nothing that I wanted to blog much on. But something amazing happened last night!

As I was watching TV with the kids, our DVR was interrupted during play of a movie with a tornado warning. So instantly I began watching the weather...good to know that the DVR stops to let you know if there's an emergency! The tornado sirens went off later and we holed up in the basement for awhile til we got an all clear. We were blessed that it was south of Augusta with no real threat...more a precaution than anything.

The tornado got me thinking about Greensburg, and how many people I used to know in Greensburg from a little Baptist church camp "Camp Christy," in Scott City, Kansas, that I went to for 3 years when I was in 5th, 6th and 7th grades! First of all, let me say, I loved camp. It was really the only place that I ever remember feeling utterly and totally accepted as a kid. Maybe that just proves exactly what a dork I actually was, but I fit in there, and didn't anywhere else. So anyway, then I started thinking about why I didn't try to contact anyone I knew after the Greensburg tornado to see if they were okay and that's when I remembered I didn't have facebook last year! So by chance I typed in Greensburg HS, year 1996 (yeah, I'm old) and out of the two people listed I knew one of them! It was a boy that I remember standing at the end of my grandma's driveway waiting on the mailman to deliver a letter from him! It's funny how clear that memory of him is!

Well, I added him as a friend and needless to say suprised him completely! But he remembered me! So anyway we began talking and caught up on who we are now. He thought about seminary for awhile, but decided to go into law instead thinking he could help more people that way, but the fact that both of us are still devoted to God is a true testimony in itself. But after a few hours of conversation, we both realized that God made sure we reconnected last night. He's gone through things the last few years that has made it hard to forgive some things...and when wondering if God even wants to hear from him anymore, my heart just cried out for him! I shared some of my struggles in forgiving others and how I've overcome it. I reminded him that God forgives us for our own sins, so he forgives others for theirs too. I reminded him of a God he had lost sight of for awhile. I have no doubt at all that God made sure we reconnected last night in order to renew his faith! And that is amazing to me! Sometimes I get so bogged down in the everyday of being in ministry and being a Christian, that I sometimes overlook the "miracles" of life. I got to see God at work last night and I'm renewed in my own faith once again!